peterdobbinvictims.com

A sexual predator is a person seen as obtaining or trying to obtain sexual contact with another person in a metaphorically “predatory” or abusive manner. The term “sexual predator” is often used to refer to a person who habitually seeks out sexual situations that are deemed exploitative.

This blog is to share my experience with Peter Dobbin, a sexual predator I met online. Peter is from East London and works as a concept artist. He is 52 years old, has a long-term partner (S) who runs a cafe, and has two daughters with her.

I met Peter on Facebook on the 23rd of August 2023 through a group called Myths, Legends and Folklore. He wrote a children’s book and made a long post about it in the group. He had also launched a Kickstarter campaign for it. I wanted to support and replied to the post “Do you ship to my country?” He then private messages me and complains about people in the group. I entertain and don’t think much of it. Next day, I get a text from him asking me how I am doing. I still remember receiving the text and thinking it was weird that he had texted me. I didn’t want to reply but I did. I also have to be truthful about my life here. Despite being married, I felt alone. My husband and I had compatibility issues and we didn’t stay together. That made me an easy target for someone like Peter. 

Infidelity and Intimate Relationships

This started as a friendship, at least from my side. After the initial text on Facebook, Peter began messaging me every day. We would text for hours, non-stop. We shared details about our lives, our childhoods, and more. I quickly became attached to him, but I still saw him only as a friend.

Then something changed. He started sharing stories about his “debauchery” days. The shift in tone felt sharp and intrusive. It made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t say anything. This continued for a few days until one particular story he shared made me feel like I had to draw a line.

Peter and his friend, when they were 14, took turns to have sex with a girl (A) who was also 14 at that time. She was their friend. He told me A was unstable and of loose character, he laughed about it. I found it highly disturbing that a man in his 50s, with two teen daughters, found a story like this amusing and brag-worthy. I reprimanded him for it and he said he only wanted to share a nice story and was not expecting a moral lesson.

Over the 2 plus years I was with him, I found out that he has a pattern of manipulating women, especially his partner and the women he meet online. Here is a brief history of his cheating, that I know of. 

1. His partner’s good friend (A), who is also the wife of his friend (T) — is someone Peter told me he had an affair with within the first few months of knowing me. He sounded proud when he shared this.

T and A are now separated, and Peter signed a document that contributed to T losing custody of his children.

2. A Spanish woman (N). This relationship lasted for more than 2 years and she is deeply traumatised by him. I contacted her and she said she is very cautious on social media after her experience with him. She said he is a ‘psychopath’ and I have to stay away from him. Peter’s partner found out about this affair around September 2021 and kicked him out of the house but she took him back 6 weeks later. They did couples therapy and S builds everything from scratch, only for Peter to still be in contact with N. N then walks away from the relationship.  

3. A Chilean woman (N) who he claimed was very explicit and keen to be sexual with him but he, apparently, was not into her. 

4. Many other one night stands and short term affairs. One incident was particularly interesting. Peter had a one night stand at a friend’s wedding and Peter’s sister (G) knew this but covered for him. 

My relationship with Peter was highly volatile and dysregulating because the entire relationship was about him having his sexual needs met. If I showed myself, he would be close to me. He would be kind, attentive and interested. It was his mantra “I wish sex didn’t make me feel close, but it does.” or “My gf doesn’t make me hard, I don’t fancy her”. If I did not entertain him, he would withdraw and pick fights with me. He needed sex every day. Every single day. While he was still employed, he would masturbate in his office twice a day. I thought if I gave him what he needed, he would stay. 

Peter gave enough to keep me hooked. He spoke about the future. He said he will leave his partner because he has fallen out of love with her. He spoke about him and me being together. We spent so much time together. He left to work very early. He told me he hated being at home because the chaos of his children getting ready to school was too much for him. He would leave by 4:30 am for work. The moment he left the house, he would call me while he biked to work. When he got to work, he would video call me. Peter was mostly alone in his office, so we would be on video call on average 12 hours a day. The quality of the day depended on how ‘happy’ I kept him. If I fulfilled his sexual needs, he and I would have a decent day. Otherwise, he would sulk for days and it made me feel anxious.

The right question now would be ‘why stay with someone like him?’. I must have tried to end my relationship with him over 30 times. I would split up with him, manage a few days without him but I went through severe anxiety. I felt like I couldn’t survive without him. I now understand why victims of abuse still stay with their abuser. Trauma-bond. 

Manipulation Through Self-Harm: How He Controlled My Behaviour

My relationship with Peter was never a secret. I was in an open marriage, and I only pursued a relationship with him after obtaining my husband’s consent. My husband had one piece of advice : don’t let your heart get broken.

Peter knew I was married, but he was uncomfortable with the idea of my husband being aware of him or our relationship. In the early months, this led to many arguments, especially because he didn’t want me sharing any details with my husband. In hindsight, this was one of the smartest decisions I made. Having my husband aware of the situation kept me safe and protected.

TRIGGER WARNING!

Peter and I met in person for the first time in February 2025. I was travelling for work, and he agreed to meet me after 1.5 years of an online relationship. We ended up sleeping together, and after that, our relationship became increasingly volatile.

Three months after meeting him, I discovered that he had entered into a civil partnership with S. I felt betrayed and deeply upset. Every day, he had assured me that he didn’t love his partner, yet he secretly married her shortly after we finally met. Out of basic courtesy, he could have at least had a conversation with me. What shocked me most was how capable he was of hiding so much while still pretending to be loving toward me. He claimed that the partnership had started months before we slept together, but this was a lie. In reality, he entered the partnership just three weeks after we slept together, and his partner had no idea when she signed the papers.

When I found out about the partnership last year, I was travelling with my husband. The news upset me, and I didn’t respond to Peter’s messages for two hours. When I finally did, he asked where I had been, and I told him I had slept with my husband. That’s when Peter sent me videos of himself strangling with a cable. I still vividly remember receiving that first video. I froze. I couldn’t walk, and I started shaking uncontrollably. My husband immediately tried to console me, though he also felt worried for Peter.

Peter then video-called me and forced me to watch him strangling himself. I cried and begged him to stop, apologising over and over again. He then removed his clothes on video and asked if I wanted to be intimate with him. I agreed, and we had sex over the call. Only after this did he finally calm down.

And that’s how the cycle of manipulation through self-harm began.

Over the next few months, Peter resorted to self-harm whenever he felt he couldn’t control me. This mostly happened when he sensed I was close to my husband or when I asked him questions he couldn’t answer.m questions that he couldn’t answer.

His self-harm pattern:

1. He would cut his arm with a knife and send me photos during arguments. If the argument continued, he would video-call me and keep cutting until I apologized or cried.
2. He would make multiple small cuts on his hips during video calls when he felt stressed, often when I didn’t want to be intimate with him. He would withdraw, sulk, or find a reason to argue. In the end, I would often feel compelled to be intimate with him just to calm him down.
3. He would punch himself until his nose bled or his face was bruised. This usually happened whenever he felt jealous of my interactions with other men.

Here is a clip of him threatening me. When he realized I was recording, he began to fake cry.

Substance Abuse & Persistent Need for Being High

Peter struggles with substance abuse and it has cost him so much of his life. Many years ago, he worked for an established company that produces video games. He loved his job and was proud of working there, despite only being on renewable quarterly contracts. One night, during a work party on a boat, the security caught him with drugs in his pocket. They terminated his contract and he never told his partner (S) the truth. The sad thing is, his daughters were still very young then and S kept the family afloat. He said his biggest sacrifice was that he didn’t masturbate for 8 months after he lost his job. Last year, Peter was retrenched from a company he worked full-time for. He claimed it was a site-wide retrenchment. He had several HR complaints made on him while he was working for them and I’m sure that didn’t help his case.

He claims that he takes drugs ‘recreationally’ but from what I have witnessed, it could be deeper than that. Whenever he had nights out, he would take cocaine. I knew this because over time, I could tell from his appearance and mannerisms that he had taken drugs. He had nights out at least once a month. During certain times of the year, he had more frequent night outs. I even have had experiences with him where he took drugs when he and I knew we could spend the night together (online). This was when his partner and children went on vacation and he stayed back.

He has admitted to me he drinks too much for his own good. He has had friends remark the same and whenever he went to the doctors, they advised him to reduce drinking. He also has a habit of listening to audioporn. He said he would listen to them while he drew at work until he met me. He only had to stop because he has a shared family account and he started receiving audioporn suggestions in his family accounts.

It slowly became clear to me that he is someone that needed constant high and a woman’s validation and her sex is the ultimate high for him.